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5 Key Ways You Can Fly, Not Fall

Caleb Breakey - Wednesday, February 12, 2014


This is the Golden Rule of Datinggive your other what’s needed most before taking what you want now. Or, giving > taking. That’s it. Nothing fancy. Just give instead of take.


This is the example Jesus set for us on the cross. And he commands us to follow in his footsteps in our relationships.

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.”
John 15:12

I call this act of giving what’s needed most over taking what’s wanted now “flying” because it’s the polar opposite of “falling.”

Flying vs. falling in love


When you fall in love, you’re out of control. There’s no slowing down. Nothing to hold on to. No way to choose where you land—or crash. Gravity pulls you down, and your dominant thought is, “Will I survive this?

But when you fly, you have stability. There’s gliding and swooping. You’re at once carefree and precise. Flying is graceful, swift, and efficient. And when gravity pulls you down, your prevalent thought is, “Where should I land?

Flying still requires that you take a risk of the heart. But it’s a risk entirely different from that of falling.

Why you should fly


Flying teaches you how to give instead of take. It pushes you to become the love-filled, others-focused person God created you to be. Whereas falling hurts you and your partner, flying grows your soul and moves you toward a Jesus-first, love-filled, marriage-bound relationship.

To date without the end goal of marriage, for instance, is the exact opposite of giving someone what he or she needs most. It takes what you want now and ultimately leaves the other hurt and broken. Your other needs to know that you’re dating him or her to gauge whether or not forever makes sense for both of you.

So before you even begin your relationship, ask yourself, “Is this someone I could spend my life with?” I’m not saying you should come out and say, “I’m lookin’ to marry you, sweet thang,” on a first date. I’m just saying that, before long, you need to be perfectly clear about your intentions.


5 key ways you can fly


How else can you practice flying in a relationship? Here are five key questions to ask yourself, adapted from Dating Like Airplanes: 

1. Purity: How can I give my other what they need most (purity) over taking what I want now (sexual intimacy)?

2. Differences: How can I give my other what they need most (embrace their unique, God-given differences) over taking what I want now (make them more like me)?

3. To know: How can I give my other what they need most (know their interests, goals, habits, values, beliefs, life vision, and mistakes) over taking what I want now (stay in nonthreatening areas of discussion to avoid conflict)?

4. To be known: How can I give my other what they need most (know the real me) over taking what I want now (conceal the truth about myself because I’m afraid he or she won’t accept the real me)?

5. Pointing one another to Jesus: How can I give my other what they need most (fall deeper in love with Jesus) over taking what I want now (be into me more than Christ)?




 
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