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Why You Should Stop Falling in Love (and Learn How to Fly)

Caleb Breakey - Tuesday, June 03, 2014

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I replayed the message, heart thumping and mind reeling. I remember thinking to myself, Did I really just hear her say that?

“Okay, I love you,” Brittney said at the end of her voicemail, almost nonchalantly. I listened to those words over and over while lying on my back in my bedroom. Few moments compete with the raw emotion that rushed through me that first time Brittney told me she loved me.

But twenty minutes away, in a little Pacific Northwest town, Brittney was filling in the first page of another journal. She wrote, “This journal is about a girl who is in sin. Please do not become like her. Your life will be sad, depressing, burdensome, scary, dreadfully hard, and lots, lots more.”

Now on the blog: There's a BIG difference between "#FallingInLove" and "flying in love" 

How could such soul torment and beautiful emotion coexist in our relationship? It’s actually not complicated.

We were in love. We were falling.

This post unveils the way of flying, and shows you why it’s so important not only to your future, but to the core of who you are. That said, the following is no bed of roses. There’s nothing simple, formulaic, or less painful about choosing flying over falling. It’s just better.

Much better.


Step into the sandals of the eleven remaining disciples the day Jesus carried the cross to Golgotha. Imagine peeling back their skin and seeing straight into their souls.

Horror. Anguish. Nothing but darkness. More than anything, they wanted Jesus to drop the cross, part the crowd, and return to them. They didn’t realize the magnitude of what Christ was about to accomplish. They didn’t know that getting what they wanted then would’ve cost them what they needed most: a Savior to die for their sin.

Falling wants—and usually with good intention. It wants the other’s attention, it wants their affection, it wants their time. Not some of it. Not part of it. Falling in love just wants. And that’s the problem. It doesn’t stop wanting until it ruins whatever was good about the relationship in the first place.

Flying, on the other hand, gives. It gives attention, it gives affection, it gives time. And it gives what’s needed most: Jesus’s love.

And it doesn’t stop. Ever.

If you desire a relationship that binds you to your other and moves toward fully enjoying the brilliance of marriage, then it’s time to do the hard thing. The temporary difficulty of flying pales in comparison to the lifelong heartache of falling.

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters (1 John 3:16 NIV)."


Flying teaches you how to give instead of take. It pushes you to become the love-filled, others-focused person God created you to be. It unveils the somewhat paradoxical truth that to love someone completely, you must first completely love Jesus.

It also helps you decide things like: When is the right time for a relationship? Should I search for someone or wait? What should I look for in the other person? How should I present myself ? What are the most important things I can do to show the love of Jesus to my other? What kind of dangers should I watch for?

Now on the blog: "Flying in love" teaches you how to give instead of take. #SingleLife #Singles

Flying doesn’t avoid hurt, frustration, or disappointment. Nothing ever avoids these aspects of life. Instead it comes out of the fire refined into something better than it was before.

In other words, whether things go easy or rough in your relation- ship, flying leads you to know a deeper, greater love.

This is the most astounding difference between flying and falling.

Flying meets difficulty and says, “I will love because Jesus first loved me.” But falling meets difficulty and says, “We were never meant to be.”

This is why breakups and divorces run rampant. People expect perfection, not imperfection. They want the other’s love, but not the problems.

Flying gives love despite the other’s problems. It expects imperfection because it intimately knows its own imperfections.

That may not sound incredibly romantic now. But it’s true of all incredible romances.

More about "flying in love" in future posts...

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